Funny Status in English

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Funny Status in English


Tried to loose weight. But it keeps finding me.

Me: I don’t wanna go to work. Bills: b*tch better have my money.

I don’t like to call it revenge… Returning the favor sounds nicer.

I don’t understand how I can struggle to wake up for 7 am Monday to Friday but is wide awake at 6:30 on Saturday and Sunday!

Someone just called me normal… I have never been so insulted in my entire life!

Clothes that are too dirty for the closet, but too clean for the laundry: Welcome to the chair.

Funny Status in English

They say money talks, but mine just waves goodbye.

If you don’t like me I’m cool with that, just don’t pretend that you do

My Saturday was going pretty well until I realized it was Sunday.

People who can fall asleep quickly freak me out… I mean don’t they have thoughts?

Save the earth, its the only planet with beer.

I hate when people say that you don’t need alcohol to have fun. Well, you don’t need running shoes to run but it helps.

Funny Status in English

I know the voices in my head aren’t real…. but sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome!

Chocolate doesn’t ask silly questions, chocolate understands – just like best friends!

I like hashtags, because they look like waffles.

My bed is a magical place I suddenly remember everything I had to do.

Marry the one who gives you the same feeling you get when you see food coming at a restaurant.

The human brain is amazing. It functions 24 hours a day from the time we were born, and only stops when we take exam or are in love.

Funny Status in English

Facebook is like a fridge. When you’re bored you keep opening and closing it every few minutes to see if there’s anything good in it.

You don’t truly know some one until you get ridiculously drunk with them.

I won’t be impressed with technology until I can download food.

How am I supposed to make big decisions when I still have to sing the alphabet in my head to get the right letter.

My girlfriend asked if I would swim across the ocean for her, and I said It’s freaking, I’ll rent a boat….

Funny Status in English

That lonely moment when the only text message you get all day is from your cell phone company. 🙁

People make the world go around but at some point don’t you wish it were flat so all the idiots would keep walking and never come back?

My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.


Why don’t you slip into something more comfortable…like a coma.

A secret is what you tell everyone not to tell anyone else.

The good people sleep much better at night than the bad people. Of course, the bad people enjoy the waking hours much more.

Funny Status in English

This girl is in need of a hug and some good luck to come his way.

I believe in love and marriage but not necessarily with the same person.

Dear luck, can we be friends this year please.

I don’t understand why people ‘touch wood’ for luck. I mean, it didn’t do Jesus any good.

There is no such thing as good luck or bad luck, just God’s blessings and lessons.

Girls can survive without a boyfriend but they can’t survive without a best friend.

Funny Status in English

Dear boys, what is the point of giving a fake hope? Sincerely, Girls

If she catches me staring, at least I will know she was looking back.

I Like to study …. arithmetic, NO …. world history, NO …. chemistry, NO …. GIRLS, YES!!!

Girls problem: They love the ones that hurt them. Boys problem: They hurt the ones they love.

Boys will be boys as long as there are no girls in the picture.

A woman has only 2 problems. 1. Nothing to wear. 2. No room for all the clothes.

Funny Status in English

Girls who have more guys as friends than girls, go through less depression and anxiety.

Dear Girls … Guys don’t get hints. You have to be straight forward.

Women are like internet viruses they enter your life, scan your pocket, edit your mind, download their problems, delete your smile.

Girls get 90+ in computer science but doesn’t know how to format. Boys get 40 marks but become professional hacker 🙂

Man made money, but Money made man Mad 🙂

Funny Status in English

Only 2 phrases can change a woman’s mood: “I Love You” & “50% Off” 🙂

Every problem comes with a solution. If it doesn’t have any solution, it’s a…………. woman 🙂

Talk to a man about himself and he will listen for hours.

Boys are great, Every girl should have one.

Why girls are not in sports?? Only 4% are playing hockey, tennis and cricket. Bcoz . . . Other 96% are busy in playing with boys 🙂

Funny Status in English

The way he looked at her was the way all girls want to be looked at.

No girl want to be with a guy that can’t let other girls know he’s taken.

In a dictionary, first comes divorce, then marriage

That moment when even Caps Lock can’t express your anger.

Movies are shit, I started dancing at the vegetable market today and not one joined me.

Funny Status in English

Me: This movie isn’t even scary.
Girlfriend: Its based on a true story!
Me: OMG that’s some scary shit.

God made us all different. But when he got to China he
thought .Fuck it. Copy, paste, copy, paste.


We all have someone’s phone number in our phone and they have no idea we have it!

Restaurant Advertisement: We serve food as HOT as your neighbour’s wife; And beer as COLD as your own. 🙂

It is a sad fact that 20% of marriages in this country end in divorce. But hey, the remaining end in death. You could be one of the lucky ones.

Funny Status in English

I really need 5 hours of Facebook to balance out my 5 minutes of studying.

At least mosquitos are attracted to me.

I fucking hate when I write a Facebook status and some idiot comments .I don’t get it.

When ur GF blocks u on fb.

Its called an electronic divorce.

Funny Status in English

When you first joined Facebook you never thought this shit would be this addictive.

I hate when my friends look great in large size clothes. and I always look like a bean bag.

I love my ringtone so much, but when it rings in public, I get so fucking embarrassed.

I accused my friend of being gay yesterday. He was so angry he hit me with his purse.

I’m so poor I went to KFC today to lick people’s fingers.

Some people should have multiple Facebook accounts to go along with their multiple personalities.

Funny Status in English

I’ve had a horribly busy day converting oxygen into carbon dioxide. 🙂

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.

The only thing I gained so far in 2013 is weight 🙂

My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it. lolz

There’s like 7 billion people in this world and no one wants to date me. I hate this world … huh

Funny Status in English

I want some one to give me a Loan and then leave me Alone. 🙂

It’s been 70+ years, Tom. You’re never going to eat Jerry 🙂

When you drop your phone, your heart hits the ground before your phone does.

Hello, modeling agency? Yes! Umm. I just got 37 likes on my new profile pic, I think I’m ready to go pro.

Dry fruits are just fruits that have become senior citizens.

The movie ABCD should have been named YBCD coz i clearly heard PrabhuDeva saying “Yeni Body Can Dance”.

Funny Status in English

Please donate some money as I want to buy a new smart phone so that I can continue posting on the page on the go.

Give me food and a pc with internet connection and you wouldn’t hear about me for ages.

The first sip of a hot beverage is always the scariest sip.

When you`re stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate, and sweets. Why? Because `Stressed` spelled backwards is `Desserts` 🙂

Funny Status in English

I`m not hungry. But, I am bored. Therefore, I shall eat. Story of every person`s life.

“ughh I`m so full”.”who wants dessert?”.”MEEE!!!”

There was a piece of chocolate cake in the fridge and a note, “Don’t eat me.” Now there’s an empty plate and a note, Don’t tell me what to do.

You can`t buy happiness.but you can buy ice cream,which is kinda the same thing (;